Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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