Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.