i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker