i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She made me pour olive oil on her.