you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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