Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I did not marry a roomba.
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