I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
