After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
