Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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