trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
