So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
