When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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