did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
