these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize