I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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