I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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