If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
