who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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