You can't motorboat a personality
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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