Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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