Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sacagawea was the original milf.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.