So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.