is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.