Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.