So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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