I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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