You can't special order awesome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
