Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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