She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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