Jerry, you need to find god
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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