just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
