i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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