how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag