Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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