somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
operation harelip BJ is a go
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize