Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
