this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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