let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
our cab driver is having phone sex.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"