It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
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that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up