Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???