Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon