My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
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Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.