Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me