I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.