u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
