i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
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Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle