Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it