Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.