I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!