I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT