He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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