My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?