Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.