Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.