hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH