Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.