dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
