If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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