I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
