She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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