Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
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