im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
