You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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