he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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