So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
