He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you