Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
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True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.