I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.