i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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