my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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