literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
a search helicopter?!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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