Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
